Insatiable Notebook

Motivation

2008-07-20T17:57:00.000-07:00

QQ and I had a lovely time last week in the mountains! The weather was great (even the rain)and the company was even better. I am still awed by the perks of my new life! I was really proud of myself today as I cleaned two messy rooms upstairs. There are piles of old bills that I never filed and all sorts of crap that I keep pledging to get rid of...I finally went through it all today. It feels great! I am eager to get this crap out of my house and get some money in my pocket for it. I am ever hopeful that it will be worth something!

Wonderings About Baby Bumps

2008-06-29T22:35:00.000-07:00

So yesterday I got my haircut and Savvy Michigan and I ended up in a hysterical conversation about baby bumps. We were picking out names together for our future children and we started talking about what we want. A boy or a girl. We came to the realization that it might be fun to have a boy because that would be the one time in our lives that there would be a penis in "there" and there would be no sex involved. Unbelievable!
Hubby comes home soon and I am excited about it. I am missing him more and more when he is out of town. I want him home. I don't like the uneasy feeling I get when the nest is empty. When I was younger, I didn't mind so much, but things seem to change as I get older. I can't imagine him at this job much longer and hopefully I won't have to!

I Am a Work in Progress

2008-06-27T19:14:00.000-07:00

I realize this more each day as God forces me to confront things. Okay, so it doesn't quite work like that for me, but it is true I am confronted with my limitations and forced to decide what I am willing to work on and what I live with. This post is about something I live with...and I sleep well too.
I was invited to a jewerly party a few weeks ago. It was lovely to spend time with friends. I even planned on buying something.
Until.
Something happened.
That,
changed everything!
The company this home based jewelry party loves Jesus. They are a "Christian based Company."

What the hell does that really mean?

Suddenly, I had no interest in buying anything. Jesus came up several times in the sales pitch and then again in the catalog. I couldn't do it. I sat there for 3 hours and bought nothing. I am sure all parties involved are good people (I am really trying here.), but how do I really know? Are they the bigots who condemn my gay friends because they are gay? Are they pro-life and do they give large quantities of money to The Christian Coalition? These are all reasons I didn't choose to buy anything.
I went home empty handed, but with integrity. I am thankful I am grounded in what my beliefs are. I suppose they are as well.

Take a seat

2008-06-25T17:57:00.000-07:00

I can't even believe how my life has changed in the past 6 months. I have been planning to post to this blog for oh...like...4 months now, but I didn't feel like I had much to say. Besides I have been preoccupied with my other blog. I planned on making this entry all about my love for my new job, but that suddenly seems not at all interesting to write about.
Baby Talk. Outloud. You see I have been thinking about having babies for a long time. I just didn't tell anyone. It is much easier to say, "No I really don't want to have them. I like being a D.I.N.K." then to explain that I didn't really know what or when I wanted them. So I thought about kids a lot, but rarely outloud...until recently. I am ready. I am ready for Hubby to graduate. Get a job. and start a family. I no longer puke at the thought of being prego. I actually like browsing in the baby section on my way to kitty litter at Target and I have been contemplating what colors to paint the extra room when the time comes.
Now that I am planning, creating a list of baby names, and planning some more I am finally motivated to save like a crazy woman. I figure I will lose much of my disposable income when we take on parenthood, so I better plan for it now. That should keep me busy for another year.

My nipples are hard!

2008-02-11T12:42:00.000-08:00

Perky Nips! Perky Nips! Yes my husband is touching me, but anyway...I finally feel like I have something great to write about and it isn't sex! I am moving up in the world. Say hello to a much more important job title. I can't wait.:)

I am thinking about getting a new haircut. I would love to grow it about 5 inches longer and style it all sorts of sexy! However, I don't really like the way it looks now and although I have a cute short cut in mind...I'm nervous. Do I really want to cut it all off? I am thinking about a new look anyway to go with my much more interesting job title.

I'm ready for my close-up!

2007-01-24T16:53:00.000-08:00

I think I was on the news tonight. I recorded so I can watch it (I just got home). Monday I went to a meeting that is of particular interest to the public and I was interviewed by a reporter. I am hopeful I sound smart, not stupid. I got nervous and I couldn't help it! We can hope for the best.
I am so excited about The Burn. We bought our tickets to Burning Man last week. It is going to be our first time and we are going with a a dear friend. Hubby sees this as a chance to get in shape. All I can think about is all the penises I am going to see. OMG, I can't wait. I'm considering bring body paint and going nude...at least once. I will need to make sure I am nicely groomed for that week. Let the fun begin. :)

Blog For Choice 2007

2007-01-22T18:46:00.000-08:00

Today is Blog For Choice Day! What an exciting day! Last time I blogged for choice it was very different then today. I am changed this year. I have had an experience that has changed everything, but not in the way I thought it would. Funny how that goes. I used to think about nest building all the time, but now I talk about it. I am sorry that wasn't ready last summer. My body was. Now I wonder have I hindered my chances? How have I changed them? I have read the statistics and they aren't totally in my favor. All things to consider in the next few years, as I continue my nest building.

Fuck the the government that thinks they will ever come between Hubby and I. It was our decision and it was the right one for us! I blog for choice today because I have to. This is a right that needs to exist for women everywhere.

Take Home Chef

2007-01-21T18:33:00.000-08:00

God, I love that show. It's on TLC. Adorable Curtis the gourmet British chef finds you in the grocery store, buys your groceries, escorts you home in YOUR car, and makes you and a special person dinner. YUM! By the way, Curtis is ever so YUMMY! Last night, Hubby and I were cuddling on the couch and Take Home Chef came on. I confessed that this show is the only reason I look nice when I go the store. So Hubby started thinking. I have a messy car and a messy house often. Hubby pointed out that Curtis would be riding in my car. DO I really want him to see that mess? Then, he pointed out that Curtis would come in my messy house. Do I really want him to see a messy house. Well, Curtis and everybody watching TV in America!
Shit.
The answer is no of course I don't want him to see that mess. I hate it when Hubby finds ways to help me clean up after myself.

Parenting

2007-01-09T17:10:00.000-08:00

I had a moment today when I actually imagined myself as a future parent. I don't play favorites, but this one little monkey is just too much fun. We haven't seen him in a few days as he has been sick, but he returned today. He came to the door with his big smile (and a hug--aah, so sweet). I told him we missed him terribly. I mentioned the room has been quiet (he is a noise maker). He smiled and giggled and told me he missed ME terribly and he couldn't wait to get to school today. He wanted to know what book I started reading. Then he was sad to hear that he missed the first 2 chapters of Bunnicula. (I promised I would help him catch up.) He also wondered about his new word study group. He told me he spent the weekend on the couch with a fever watching TV and reading. We chatted about the books he read. I lectured him for picking "too easy" books, but then I relented because he had been sick...He smiled. "Mrs," he said, "Now that I feel better, don't worry I am back to working hard." All day he hung a little closer then usual. We were testing today, but he didn't care because he got to be at school, learning, with us! There are days when I am reminded why I teach. This little monkey reminded me today. At recess Monkey and I chatted about what he could be when he grows up. He asked for my input. I told him that he would make a great engineer or architect and then I explained why I thought that. He agreed that those were good choices and he told me he "trusts my judgements." He decided he would go home and discuss his options with his parents tonight. Seriously, he made my heart melt. Kids can be so wonderful.
These are the moments that I realize what a joke No Child Left Behind Is. This monkey will learn and do fine in school. In many ways he seems average, but I challenge him. I set the bar high and he exceeds expectations everyday because he is engaged. I wish that every kid could have this type of experience at school.
I think I would be a great mom. I am nest-building. Don't get too excited because it isn't happening anytime soon--I still get the puke urge when I really think about it.

Wonderings

2007-01-08T18:57:00.000-08:00

If this grosses you out...LEAVE. I wonder how many women have a lot of sex while they are on their periods? This last week I have been hormonal with many mood swings AND I was on my period. I am thankful each month for getting my period (for obvious reasons), but at the same time...I fucking hate it. Hubby isn't home to service me and I am feeling, well, quite horny actually. A few nights ago I was looking for something innocent in The Drawer and I accidently turned on the blue, pearly one. God that thing can be noisy. Hubby couldn't stop laughing when the whole drawer was vibrating and making loud noises that I couldn't shut off to save my life.

Relations

2007-01-04T20:28:00.000-08:00

I am so excited for a dear friend I will call Frisky Sailor. Frisky is getting more confident and daring and did a great job cruising! Quick and satisfying sex with a stranger is what Frisky did recently. Frisky...I want your life. This event in Frisky's life has got me thinking about the escapades I have had. You know what...I haven't had sex with a stranger. That is so unfair! Now listen up lurkers I love Hubby deeply and I don't plan on cheating, at least not without permission. Which brings me to another thought. Last weekend I watched a Zach Braff (LOVE HIM)movie that involves love, turning 30, and cheating on your lover. I think maybe I am unlike most other girls. I really felt differently then the girl that played opposite Zach (we are on a first name basis, you know) about cheating. If Hubby wants to have sex with another...fine, JUST TELL ME...I might want to be there. What the hell is the big deal? I am more concerned about being in THE KNOW. He is going to come home to me no matter how good it is (and probably do it again).
Cheers, Frisky.
I am so fucking proud of you!

Toast Life and Babies

2007-01-02T20:11:00.000-08:00

That's what I was thinking last night. I stopped at our lovely Food Lion for my grocery shopping. Noisy shoppers were probably confused because I had a wedding ring on, but everything in my cart screamed SINGLE. I had a bottle of wine, fried chicken, pie, and some fruit. I lost all credibility when I checked out. As 20 something scanned my purchases he asked me for my ID. Well, I had a long, dumb day as usual and I wasn't really paying attention to what he said. (I thought he asked if I had my value card with me.) So I said, "No." Well he said something and then his manager came over and politely, but condescendingly explained that they are required to card me. DUH! I pulled out my ID and with my annoying tone said, "I know that. Here is my ID." Then there was this ackward silence after that as he finished scanning my crap (I am sure they all thought I was totally crazy!) The 5 customers behind me were looking at me funny too, only I didn't know why. Suddenly, I realized the whole misunderstanding and I found myself laughing loudly. I quickly explained and they all smiled and laughed, but I am sure they all thought I was an idiot. The whole way home I was so excited to crack open that bottle of wine and have a drink, or two, or three. Then I started thinking...isn't that what alcoholics do?
Shit!
So I didn't even open that fucking bottle of wine. Can you be an alcoholic if you don't drink often, but have the thoughts I have shared? I don't drink too often (I average a drink or two every couple of weeks, unless I am on vacation in which case I will probably have a drink each night at dinner), but I don't know,this is getting interesting.
In other news...
I found out from my coworker that I am prego! Southern Belle (a dear friend at work) pulled me aside today and jokingly (but a little serious) said, "I thought we were friends." I smiled, wondering where she was going with her comment. Then she told me she was talking to someone else about a busy monkey in my room. They were both feeling sorry for me (because I chase her around all fucking day). That is when Innocent Gossiper (I really do like the person Belle was talking to and I think she thought my "pregnancy" was public knowledge.) said, "And she's pregnant too, she must be so tired." OMG, Southern Belle thought. Why does Innocent Gossiper know that and I don't? She told me she figured it had to be untrue because she knows my view on being prego right now--PUKE. I promised her it was untrue and told her to quickly spread the new rumor. In return, she promised me that I don't look prego--that, of course, was my next worry.
Maybe I'll do some crunches before bed tonight.

Alpha Female

2006-12-18T18:11:00.000-08:00

Is that how Hubby would describe me? Is that a bad thing? I have been thinking about the kid thing a lot lately, but not in the conventional way (of course). Instead it is more like, "Oh I want a puppy really bad." I don't really fear that. I have never gone from I want a puppy to I want a kid. I've done the prego thing and all I felt was panic...great, horrible, deep panic. I don't ever want to feel quite like that again, not next time. Hubby sometimes indicates he will not be interested. So I start life planning with the other important man in my life, Tildar. When will the right time be? Will we be able to live near one another? What will this adventure be like? It is all about timing isn't it. How exactly will that work?
Alpha female
At work I am an alpha. I like being a leader (not the boss). I like trying new things and then politely insisting everyone else learn from it...is that so bad?

No donuts today, but...

2006-12-01T19:54:00.000-08:00

...I stopped THERE again. I bought a pastry today. Where has all my self control gone? I started eating it at lunch and I couldn't stand myself anymore. I threw it out, brushed my teeth, and ate my apple. After work Beadwhore (do you hate that nickname...because I love it and I want to protect your identity)and I went out for dinner and a drink. I got home and felt fat and depressed (crappy day again). So I went for a jog on my street and guess what I saw. I was quite amazed. A dude down the street in his house totally thought he was alone. He was trotting around his house nude. Yes I saw a perky little peter and I wasn't even trying to snoop. HELLO, he lives in suburban hell and he didn't even close his blinds. I never even saw that in Sin City! I think I will get a little more serious about jogging. The scenery is great!

As I was driving home today I laughed when I noticed another left over lunch in my car. This one was from yesterday and I promise I took it to my kitchen and cleaned it out.
I was reminded of what happened a few weeks ago when Hubby drove my car (yes I allow him to drive my awesome new car sometimes). After getting in and out of it a few times he ACTUALLY dared to ask me if I farted in it the last time I was there. WHAT A GROSS PIG...TO ACTUALLY SAY THAT! Of course I replied no, but honestly it did smell pretty rank in there. He insisted that I must of left an old lunch in there or I farted. Well I didn't want him to tell anybody I make a habit of farting in my car so I started searching. DAMN IT! He knows me well. I found an old lunch (that was wonderful the day I ate it)under my junk in the back seat. It was so gross that I actually just threw it all out! It is scary how well D.I.N.K.s get to know each other over the years.

I am so disgusting!

2006-11-29T17:27:00.000-08:00

Jesus Christ! On my way to work today, I was passing a Harris Teeter with it's big Starbucks sign and I had to stop. Only here's the creepy part. I wasn't stopping for Starbucks and no I don't need Tampons (ever again...thanks DivaCup). Oh no, I had a craving for a fucking donut. Shit! So I got my fat ass out of my car and I waddled into the store (I am preparing for what will come if I make a trip to the bakery everyday). I moved straight for the bakery and became so excited. Is this what shopping addicts experience? I chose a donut with Christmas sprinkles all over it and I was preparing to grab it when I saw the light. OMG, for a dollar more I could get a whole bag of mini Krispy Kreme donuts! Well, I quickly grabbed my bag of minis and left the store (I bought these donuts with change from my piggy bank.)
Here comes the gross part. I ate 2 on the way to work, 2 when I got to work, and 2 on my way home from work! YUM!
AND
I didn't walk or run tonight. I think I can actually feel padding being added to my ass. Do you think I need an intervention? Just think a few years ago I wouldn't have even finished one fucking donut. Look what stress and depression can do for you.
I am going to go brush and floss my teeth 10 times now, well actually I think I will throw up first!
Sleep well.

Walk This Way

2006-11-19T18:14:00.000-08:00

I think I need a new pair of shoes.
Hmmm, now I just need to figure out what I want.
I am thinking pointy toes, I want to make Clinton proud!
I am thinking sexy, high, and flashy, but not trashy.
Pretty shoes make me feel confident. Lately, I have been in a weird funk. I have questioned EVERYTHING that appears to be right in my life and everything that doesn't. I am reassessing all of my crap! I think I have finally figured out what I want and what I know I don't want! The baggage is getting trashed! I am not going to have any regrets.
Perhaps I need pretty, pink, flashy, sexy shoes. If only I could go to Nordstrom after work tomorrow! Everything suddenly seems perfect!

Revelations

2006-11-12T14:50:00.000-08:00

OMG. Tomorrow is really Monday! I can't wait. I mean, I can't fucking wait. I get to get up way too early, get dressed, pack a lunch, and drive for half an hour to work. When I get there, I will be bombarded by rudeness, ugly people, and plenty of poorly dressed nit-wits. Then I can top it off by attempting to find a copy machine that actually works! Imagine that! I can't fucking wait. It is just too exciting. I can't sit still. Maybe a vibrator would calm me down. Hmm...Oh and I have a meeting after school too. That means I get to stay an extra hour and a half. Wow! I am too fucking nice to these people. Don't you want my life? I mean really...it is that great. I am feeling overjoyed at the moment. I want to scream from the rooftops HAPPY MONDAY TO ALL MY BITCHES, I MEAN MY PEEPS!
Is there a question you would like to ask me? The answer is no I am not drinking before work or at lunch and no I am not taking Prozac (Does anyone have some freebies? I wouldn't mind taking a few here and there.). This is simply the new me. Nothing will stand in my way. I am going to make 50 cents an hour, be verbally abused by someone, and STILL I will be happy. I will smile. I will love life because at the end of the day...work doesn't matter. My family matters. My friends matter. My health matters. Fuck the rest of it!

*In regard to my previous post, let me be clear. I will wear the top half of the outfit if my nether region is properly waxed. I have been really lazy for like a year now, except during swimsuit season, but that has passed. However, if it isn't groomed in the shape of a pumpkin (for the season of course), then I will wear the bottom half instead. I am REALLY flexible!
Can you hear me Bitches?
HAPPY FUCKING MONDAY!

Truely Southern

2006-11-10T20:32:00.000-08:00

On Tuesday night I went to my clogging class. It is so fun and hard! One of my monkeys and I practice my moves during recess. I feel so southern when I do that dance. I imagine myself in the hills of NC with some goofy outfit on (that should only be used for role playing), dancing up a storm to hillbilly music. Anyone want to come see me dance?

I am exhausted...

2006-11-05T07:16:00.000-08:00

...and shocked. I had the argument of my life last night, or so it seemed. It is funny how two people can seem to be whole and yet be so far away. How is it two people can agree on so much, but at the same time not agree on what feels like a really important one? I'm not complaining, just trying to sort out what I think. I feel like someone threw a curve ball and now I have to hit it. It isn't so bad. It is a bit of a relief actually and at the same time it makes me really frustrated. I understand that life isn't supposed to be easy, but can't I get a break here or there? So what is my next move? I have always been a planner. He isn't. I plan all the time. He doesn't want to. It isn't fair. He has never planned and could quite possible be happier then me (at work, I mean). How fair is that? All I did was plan and work my ass off at school and guess what...I hate my job. I HATE my job. So quit, right...then what. What is wrong with me that I can't figure out my next move?
Maybe I should start drinking.:)

Dirty Thoughts...

2006-10-26T17:10:00.000-07:00

BEWARE...don't read if you might be uncomforable.

SO...
at work today Nice Neighbor tells me her back is killing her. I immediately thought of Pod Neighbors. If they said a thing like that I would have said OMG was it that good last night? Did you get any sleep? Please tell me none of your kids heard you!
But I don't know Nice Neighbor too well yet (several months now). So instead I played it safe.
Oh no, were you doing yard work? Were you at the gym? What happened? Do you need drugs...because I have got plenty of those! (Of course it was only fair to run through the list of drugs I got from my that adorable oral surgeon this summer.)
No,
she said.

Can you believe that? She passed up FREE HEAVY DUTY drugs. WTF!

Apparently she was lifting something and hurt her back badly.

That got me thinking...remembering...and giggling all the way back to my room. I couldn't help but miss Pod Neighbors at that moment. We would have exchanged crazy sex stories and then went back to work.

Oh shit!

2006-10-18T16:06:00.000-07:00

They all prayed.
What the hell was I supposed to do? I don't really mind that they did it, but it caught me off guard...and I had to sit and wait for my misery to be over.

Thankfully it only lasted for a moment.:)

All Sinners Welcome!

2006-10-16T18:26:00.000-07:00

I saw that on a church sign a few months ago when I was driving to the coast with Hubby and Sofakitty. Honest, I ain't lying! I don't think they could take the heat if we actually stopped and went in. BeadWhore...I am concealing her identity... said a great line about a week ago that helped me see the light. I now know exactly how I feel about certain people trying to harm my monkeys.

Don't touch my fucking cards!

I have had it with the lack of management around me...just when I thought I wasn't really much of a rule follower...I realize I am-damn! These damn people get mad at my monkeys and tell them to pull cards in my room. As if! Deal with them in another way...get organized,but don't touch my fucking cards! I am totally annoyed and my monkeys must be astounded when I tell them to go back to green after others are mean!

In other news...
Has anyone been watching that Ugly Betty show? I saw part of it once...which was enough for me to add a name to my list.
No, not that list.

The other one,
the one that involves THE DRAWER.
Her boss on that show is totally adorable and well, someone has to say it...fuckable. Wow! That is about all I can say! I usually watch The Office, but I might have to switch. What's a girl to do? If Michael Vartan would pop up or Will Tippen would pop up I would be totally happy!

How far...

2006-10-15T20:26:00.000-07:00

...am I willing to go.
I had this thing happen in my life a few weeks ago that seems to happen every few years. It occurs when I least expect it and it always forces me to mark another tally mark in the "dissapointment" column. I chatted with Dear Friend this evening for quite a while about the issue. He got me thinking. How far am I willing to run for Dissapointment? I haven't allowed Dissapointment inside my soul in years. It hurts too much. When I invest love and care, Dissapointment pushes me away. When I express interest, he makes fun. When I try to help...he fucks up BADLY. I don't think he wants me to let him in or anybody else for that matter. I have been coping with my tally marks for years, about 15 years to be exact.
The latest consequence...I knew it was coming,
sooner or later...is bad.
Now that it has arrived I am greeting it with a "told-you-so look." It is for the best...for Dissapointment, for me, for The Others. I can only imagine what this will do to The Others. I hope they can move on and let go...It's not their fault (they just don't know that). They too are sucked into Dissapointment's world. I have been lucky enough to remove myself as much as possible. So now I get to play the waiting game. Wait and see how bad the damage is. How well will The Others weather the storm? Hope for the best...be there for The Others...as much as possible. The truth is, my thoughts have turned so dark about Dissapointment in the past several years that I don't think I can really be there. It is one part of my life where I pass a great deal of judgement,REAL judgement. I harbor evil thoughts that I feel guilty about, but only sometimes...like tonight.

I Am Worth Something...

2006-09-25T20:02:00.000-07:00

...to a monkey.
I have so much crap to do and I was getting ready to cry about the workload and then I came across a note from a monkey tonight. I am such a sap (as I sit here with watery eyes).
Dear SpyC Teacher,
I am loving the way you teach. You are not mean like some of my previous teachers. I know I can be difficult, but you make me want to act better. I care about you like you are in my family! Have a great day!
Love,
Monkey

*OMG, that is one of the best compliments of my whole career!

Take advice from a teacher, bloggy friends...you are amazing in the eyes of many (even when you don't feel like it).
Happy Tuesday!

Small Town, Small Minded?

2006-09-24T19:15:00.000-07:00

Let me introduce you to Small town. This person drives me FUCKING mad! So a few days ago, Small Town and I had to work together for hours...great! Intelligent walks into our setting to teach us something new. Intelligent is just that, very intelligent, but according to Small Town Intelligent is really manly, possibly a man. So instead of listening to Intelligent Small Town insists on making fun and being rude.
Why are people so stupid?
First of all, in a work environment it probably isn't real smart to announce these opinions to new coworkers. Secondly, if you are ignorant keep it to yourself I didn't want another reason to put you on my Black List.
I told Small Town my opinion...WHO CARES! Small Town left my room and hasn't chatted with me since.
Oh well.