Hard Core
Are you sitting down?
I mean it...are you sitting down?
Yes, everyone, I know you have all been waiting for me to inform you that
I have finally found God.
Right?
The South continues to amaze me.
While reading the paper today I noticed an article on a new craze here.
Hold your breath and imagine the following scenerio.
*Betty is sometimes insecure. She has a great job and is very intelligent. She's 29 years old and happily married with 2 fur babies, but no kids. No kids you say...hmmm. Perhaps you should point Betty in the right direction. You have noticed that she has a potty mouth, likes Hillary Clinton, and doesn't wear her wedding ring. All of these things indicate that she must need God, right? Now it is your turn to ease her into the Christian world. What better way to start then to introduce her to GOSPEL AEROBICS!
Yes,
all my bloggy friends,
these Southerners are
HARD CORE
about religion.
*Can you honestly imagine praying while you sweat in places you didn't know you could and pant to Physical by Olivia Newton John?*
Puke!
Poor Betty! She should jump before it's too late! I decided those who created gospel aerobics must be targeting the Bettys in this world. Stand tall, Betty and say fuck gospel aerobics. Besides your back might hurt after all that kneeling.
Dirty thought disclaimer!
If you are going to get on your knees do it for something fun and interesting, not that praying shit! It is such a waste of time!
On another note, my peeps at work pissed me off again. At lunch yesterday I was eating with several teachers (who are probably nice, but I am feeling exceptionally judgemental tonight so bear with me while I make fun). We were talking about what we did for the 3 day weekend. Everyone looked at me...so I shared my lovely weekend at the beach. I mentioned that I went with Sofakitty and Hubby. Hubby?...Jeans said. (I call her jeans because that is all she wears to work. Nice shirt, sneakers, and blue jeans, pink jeans, green jeans, red jeans, you get the point jeans.) "I thought you were single because you aren't wearing a wedding ring," Jeans said. (Now imagine that with lip curled and nasty tone of voice.)
I thought REAL HARD about what to say.
"Well if you really want to know...bitch...I am too fat to get the fucking ring on...bitch! Bitch! Yeah, Bitch! OH BY THE WAY HUBBY AND I FUCKED ON THE BEACH ALL DAY, WELL NOT REALLY, BUT HUBBY WAS SKINNY DIPPING WITH CHILDREN AROUND, BITCH!"
Okay,
so I didn't really say that, but I wanted to. Instead I did a fake laugh and purposely switched the conversation for about 30 seconds and then went back to my room to eat lunch. I don't know that I will eat in the Christian lounge again! Bitch!
PS: Jeans is now on my black list! Any peeps on the black list go to places where there are no chocolates, donuts, massages, and FAT TABS when they die! Oh and their hoochies shrivel up because they get none! All peeps on the black list can be called fat, ugly, and whore at any given time!
BITCH!
I mean it...are you sitting down?
Yes, everyone, I know you have all been waiting for me to inform you that
I have finally found God.
Right?
The South continues to amaze me.
While reading the paper today I noticed an article on a new craze here.
Hold your breath and imagine the following scenerio.
*Betty is sometimes insecure. She has a great job and is very intelligent. She's 29 years old and happily married with 2 fur babies, but no kids. No kids you say...hmmm. Perhaps you should point Betty in the right direction. You have noticed that she has a potty mouth, likes Hillary Clinton, and doesn't wear her wedding ring. All of these things indicate that she must need God, right? Now it is your turn to ease her into the Christian world. What better way to start then to introduce her to GOSPEL AEROBICS!
Yes,
all my bloggy friends,
these Southerners are
HARD CORE
about religion.
*Can you honestly imagine praying while you sweat in places you didn't know you could and pant to Physical by Olivia Newton John?*
Puke!
Poor Betty! She should jump before it's too late! I decided those who created gospel aerobics must be targeting the Bettys in this world. Stand tall, Betty and say fuck gospel aerobics. Besides your back might hurt after all that kneeling.
Dirty thought disclaimer!
If you are going to get on your knees do it for something fun and interesting, not that praying shit! It is such a waste of time!
On another note, my peeps at work pissed me off again. At lunch yesterday I was eating with several teachers (who are probably nice, but I am feeling exceptionally judgemental tonight so bear with me while I make fun). We were talking about what we did for the 3 day weekend. Everyone looked at me...so I shared my lovely weekend at the beach. I mentioned that I went with Sofakitty and Hubby. Hubby?...Jeans said. (I call her jeans because that is all she wears to work. Nice shirt, sneakers, and blue jeans, pink jeans, green jeans, red jeans, you get the point jeans.) "I thought you were single because you aren't wearing a wedding ring," Jeans said. (Now imagine that with lip curled and nasty tone of voice.)
I thought REAL HARD about what to say.
"Well if you really want to know...bitch...I am too fat to get the fucking ring on...bitch! Bitch! Yeah, Bitch! OH BY THE WAY HUBBY AND I FUCKED ON THE BEACH ALL DAY, WELL NOT REALLY, BUT HUBBY WAS SKINNY DIPPING WITH CHILDREN AROUND, BITCH!"
Okay,
so I didn't really say that, but I wanted to. Instead I did a fake laugh and purposely switched the conversation for about 30 seconds and then went back to my room to eat lunch. I don't know that I will eat in the Christian lounge again! Bitch!
PS: Jeans is now on my black list! Any peeps on the black list go to places where there are no chocolates, donuts, massages, and FAT TABS when they die! Oh and their hoochies shrivel up because they get none! All peeps on the black list can be called fat, ugly, and whore at any given time!
BITCH!
posted by Bethany at 9:17 PM
3 Comments:
hey send your black list to me so i can sent my guys to get those idiots, i am sorry, i mean christians(jesus christ fanatics...i should say). by the way i don't wear ring, either, so your peeps must find God for me too then:)
Well, You were warned before moving there. (I did mean to capitalize "You".)
As for your current situation, you could infer that you and qq are swingers. Now, you could never say that because it would be cause for you to lose your job (true or not), but you could infer! Due to the fact that it's not true makes it all the more delicious. People would talk behind your back (as they obviously already do) but you could snicker with the private knowledge that they have no idea what they're talking about - and you'll get this wild repuation.
Sounds wickedly fun!
I promise to back you up when I come visit. You will have the honor of being the woman who made the gay guy straight with your wicked swinger ways.
Anyhoo, good luck with that!
Sounds like a perfect opportunity to introduce them to the softness and warmness of fresh scat, and the wonderful benfits it has not only for your skin, but your love life as well.
you could single handedly save them from themselves.
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