I Am Worth Something...

...to a monkey.
I have so much crap to do and I was getting ready to cry about the workload and then I came across a note from a monkey tonight. I am such a sap (as I sit here with watery eyes).
Dear SpyC Teacher,
I am loving the way you teach. You are not mean like some of my previous teachers. I know I can be difficult, but you make me want to act better. I care about you like you are in my family! Have a great day!
Love,
Monkey

*OMG, that is one of the best compliments of my whole career!

Take advice from a teacher, bloggy friends...you are amazing in the eyes of many (even when you don't feel like it).
Happy Tuesday!

Small Town, Small Minded?

Let me introduce you to Small town. This person drives me FUCKING mad! So a few days ago, Small Town and I had to work together for hours...great! Intelligent walks into our setting to teach us something new. Intelligent is just that, very intelligent, but according to Small Town Intelligent is really manly, possibly a man. So instead of listening to Intelligent Small Town insists on making fun and being rude.
Why are people so stupid?
First of all, in a work environment it probably isn't real smart to announce these opinions to new coworkers. Secondly, if you are ignorant keep it to yourself I didn't want another reason to put you on my Black List.
I told Small Town my opinion...WHO CARES! Small Town left my room and hasn't chatted with me since.
Oh well.

A Clean House

God, I hate housework. I mean I really hate it. It eats at me on the way to work, on the way home from work, when I walk in and see the mess I didn't clean up last night. Perhaps I need to get a maid. Hmm...I will work on working that into the budget. I think I am willing to give up some alcohol intake and dinners out just to have a maid.
Tomorrow, I have to do housework. Not the kind where I wear a French maid costume and high heels...the kind where I actually put on grunge clothes and WORK!

On another note, I was grocery shopping and saw a lady probably in her 40s. She was wearing shorts that didn't even cover her ass and she was shopping with her children. You shouldn't be aloud to wear clothing like that after you are like...16 years old and even then I don't think it is smart!
Happy Sunday!

The Routine

Okay let me tell you about my commute to work. It sucks! All these smarties who drive to work every morning are actually very...slow! OMG, hit the gas people, 10 miles under the speed limit on a freeway is NOT OKAY and trust me I don't really drive that fast! This afternoon on my commute home I had an interesting experience. I was sitting at a stoplight rocking out to JT's Sexy Back--I LOVE THAT SONG--and now I think Justin Timberlake is sort of cute. Anyway, this guy pulls up behind me in a really HOT convertible. Oh and by the way this guy was hot. So everyone started paying attention to Attention Whore on our drive. At the next light, I snuck a peek at him in the rear-view mirror and OMG...HE PICKED HIS PIMPLES...in front of all of us! GROSS.

The SpyC News

Welcome all you Sinners!
This is the SpyC News Show. I will be taking clothes off one article at a time to ensure that I keep your attention. I have very important news to offer you!

First (shoes off), I passed a sign on a church last week that actually said "Sinners Welcome." Can you imagine?
Next (pants off), everywhere I go I see someone pray before they eat their food. I can count on one hand how many times I saw that in Vegas.
Last (what the hell, I'll take it all off), I have never been called Ma'am so many times in my life!

My day was interesting today. I was excited to go to a workshop for a program I am teaching at my school. Then I got to the workshop and it sucked. It didn't really help me. After the workshop, I talked with one of the presenters for a little bit and that is the part that helped me. Too bad I had to wait until 3:00 to get some of my questions answered. I think I should have acquired some happy pills for the day. I spent it being puzzled. I also thought that some of the math they explained might be wrong. So I am asking the few of you that respond on this sight and those of you that might be lurking...yes I hear about you...a few questions. Let's see how smart all of you are.

1.Consider a bar graph that represents perimeter and length of 1 inch tiles. Is it possible for a 1 inch square tile to have a width of 1 in., a length of 0, and the perimeter be 2 in.? I think not, would someone please tell me I'm right...I hate being wrong.
2.Is it true that mode, mean, median, range, etc. are all types of averages. I am thinking it is not, but I might be wrong.

Come on...educate me!

Hard Core

Are you sitting down?
I mean it...are you sitting down?
Yes, everyone, I know you have all been waiting for me to inform you that
I have finally found God.
Right?
The South continues to amaze me.
While reading the paper today I noticed an article on a new craze here.
Hold your breath and imagine the following scenerio.

*Betty is sometimes insecure. She has a great job and is very intelligent. She's 29 years old and happily married with 2 fur babies, but no kids. No kids you say...hmmm. Perhaps you should point Betty in the right direction. You have noticed that she has a potty mouth, likes Hillary Clinton, and doesn't wear her wedding ring. All of these things indicate that she must need God, right? Now it is your turn to ease her into the Christian world. What better way to start then to introduce her to GOSPEL AEROBICS!
Yes,
all my bloggy friends,
these Southerners are
HARD CORE
about religion.
*Can you honestly imagine praying while you sweat in places you didn't know you could and pant to Physical by Olivia Newton John?*
Puke!
Poor Betty! She should jump before it's too late! I decided those who created gospel aerobics must be targeting the Bettys in this world. Stand tall, Betty and say fuck gospel aerobics. Besides your back might hurt after all that kneeling.

Dirty thought disclaimer!
If you are going to get on your knees do it for something fun and interesting, not that praying shit! It is such a waste of time!

On another note, my peeps at work pissed me off again. At lunch yesterday I was eating with several teachers (who are probably nice, but I am feeling exceptionally judgemental tonight so bear with me while I make fun). We were talking about what we did for the 3 day weekend. Everyone looked at me...so I shared my lovely weekend at the beach. I mentioned that I went with Sofakitty and Hubby. Hubby?...Jeans said. (I call her jeans because that is all she wears to work. Nice shirt, sneakers, and blue jeans, pink jeans, green jeans, red jeans, you get the point jeans.) "I thought you were single because you aren't wearing a wedding ring," Jeans said. (Now imagine that with lip curled and nasty tone of voice.)

I thought REAL HARD about what to say.

"Well if you really want to know...bitch...I am too fat to get the fucking ring on...bitch! Bitch! Yeah, Bitch! OH BY THE WAY HUBBY AND I FUCKED ON THE BEACH ALL DAY, WELL NOT REALLY, BUT HUBBY WAS SKINNY DIPPING WITH CHILDREN AROUND, BITCH!"

Okay,
so I didn't really say that, but I wanted to. Instead I did a fake laugh and purposely switched the conversation for about 30 seconds and then went back to my room to eat lunch. I don't know that I will eat in the Christian lounge again! Bitch!

PS: Jeans is now on my black list! Any peeps on the black list go to places where there are no chocolates, donuts, massages, and FAT TABS when they die! Oh and their hoochies shrivel up because they get none! All peeps on the black list can be called fat, ugly, and whore at any given time!
BITCH!

Pretzel up

That's what I said to one of my monkeys today. She was being lazy and disregarding everything I said. I couldn't take it anymore. Last night I stayed up late to watch the season premiere of Nip/Tuck. OMG...I was loving the opening scenes until I remembered that I don't have blinds on my windows. My neighbors probably thought I was watching porn! Shit. I just moved in...well at least they know that I am not a good Christian now.
Anyway, I went to bed at 11pm last night and nearly died when the damn alarm went off this morning. Hence I had no sympathy for my monkey who was being lazy.

I should get sleep more often. It causes me to be stupid. For example, in our grade level meeting today I got really grouchy...and I had an audience.What the hell was I thinking? I don't even know these people and I was rude. These people can be so stupid though...I couldn't help but get frustrated. We don't need to talk in circles!

Dear Diary,

Oh...there is so much to tell you. Where do I begin? Let me start with my latest decision to move to the South. It is different here to say the least. I wasn't sure how much I would like it. However, I love my house and the woods around my house. I also like my zippy new car. There are a few kinks though. To be exact let me start with my job...
May I welcome you to the Dark Ages! Holy mother of God. I feel that I have been transported back in time to the year 1950. The people in this building are interesting. They are teaching with reading basals-solely and worksheeting the hell out of these kids. The scary part is that these kids are pretty smart, but their test scores would not indicate this. My classroom is huge, but that appears to be the only plus so far. Although there are grassy hills outside my classroom I can't help but be annoyed that they have not worked out my pay correctly and I brought home a crappy check. They were "sorry" that my master's degree was not in my pay yet. They were going to look into that...we will see. I swear to something that I will walk if they cheat me.
I monkey I recently met likes to show her underwear and eat snap cubes during math. Maybe I will need to drink more often this year. I think I should consider a career change...only not really. I am fucking pissed that I have a master's degree and brought home a check that will cover my mortage and car payment and that is fucking it! What bullshit.Perhaps my new mantra in the morning should be "me love you long time" Do I need to practice saying these lovely words?