My Inner and Outer Selves

My inner self, the part I show only to my other half is feeling eaten up by a plethora emotions, fantasies, memories good and bad, wishes, and thoughts. These feelings that hover and hang over me this evening are keeping me low. Really low. Don't worry, they aren't feelings that will last long. Thankfully. Just long enough to frustrate the fuck out of me for a few days. My latest findings have made me realize that I am stronger than I thought, so is Hubby. It is nice to confirm that we are united and forever supportive of one another as we walk through this life together. I sort of feel numb and can't wait for the cleansing feeling I am sure is just around the corner. Relief will be mine soon. I will reach out and grab it with an iron grip and never let it go. I won't let this thing continue to eat at my edges and consume anymore of my soul. I am going to release this thing very soon and then I am going to move forward and let go of the feelings of frustration, anger, guilt, and stress. There is too much to live for.

My outer self, the part I present to the rest of the world seems to be passing off my lie with some ease. True, a few can guess that I am not whole, but it is no big deal either way. The feelings I feel are mine and aren't necessarily meant to be shared with anyone other than Hubby. Tomorrow I plan to get up, do chores, call friends, and work on work projects. The day is like every other. Thankfully, I have learned to unleash my inner self at very specific times. My outer self can't function if my inner self is too distracted.

Feeling renewed.
Feeling whole again.
Feeling happiness.

These are the feelings I hope to reclaim for my inner self very soon because I know I am worth it.

9:15 AM, Thursday. I have made an appointment with myself. This will be my moment to start again, fresh, clean, and renewed.

PS: My teeth are healing nicely and I have been itching to write. If I could just keep this promise to myself then I'll be here, writing, often.